Have you ever questioned your faith?

College is a place where a plethora of life changing moments take place in a relatively short period of time. I have countless unforgettable experiences at Georgia State University, but there is one that tops them all by a long shot because it literally changed my life. 

I was leaving The Lofts dormitory one night from a small Bible study led by Bethel Campus Fellowship. It was dark, cold, and late in the middle of downtown Atlanta - so I called the campus escort service to take me to my car. What I thought was going to be a short, quiet ride to my car turned into the most awkward interrogation about my faith that I ever experienced. The man who picked me up didn’t look much older than me - maybe he was in his late twenties. The interrogation went something like this.

Escort Driver: “Where are you coming from?”

Me: “Bible study”

Escort Driver: “Oh, so you believe in Jesus?”

Me: “Yes”

Escort Driver: “Why do you believe in Jesus?”

Me: **silence**

Escort Driver: “I used to believe in Jesus, and go to church and all that…”

And then he went on and on, mocking everything about the Christian faith - and I had absolutely nothing to say. I was speechless, embarrassed, disturbed and frustrated. Why didn’t I answer him when he asked me, “Why do you believe in Jesus?”  Was I shocked? Did I lack confidence in my answer? Did I even have an answer? I thought I was bold in my faith and sold out for Christ, but this random man challenging me to explain my belief had me stunned into silence. Why?

After that night I felt an unsettling in my spirit for quite some time. I never wanted that to happen to me again. I began looking for the answer to his question: Why do I believe in Jesus? My first thoughts took me to my upbringing. I was raised in a Christian family and went to a Christian church every Sunday until I left for college. Truthfully, I was taught to solely believe in Jesus. I was never given any other options. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but I did not want this to be the answer to the question. “I believe in Jesus because my family taught me to.” It just does not sound convincing or intellectual at all. I knew that if I ever ran into that man again and I gave him that response, he would chew me to pieces! That answer was simply not good enough for me. 

My frustration with this question kept building. So I did what I was taught to NEVER do - I questioned my faith. I sat at my desk in my room, in tears, and I said out loud: “Do I really believe in Jesus? Do I really believe that the Bible is real and not just made up stories? Do I really believe that some guy came down from Heaven and sacrificed himself to save the world? Because that honestly sounds really crazy. But if I am going to believe in Jesus, I want to do it because I know for a fact that it is true!”

It felt good to say that out loud. It felt like a weight was lifted off of my chest. I acknowledged that I wanted to have my own thoughts about Jesus. I wanted to learn about Jesus for myself, experience Jesus for myself, and choose Jesus for myself. I wanted to make a conscious decision to believe - not just follow what I have been told all of my life. 

From that moment on I became genuinely interested in the Bible. For the first time I actually wanted to read the whole thing. I wanted to study it so that I could understand the concepts and ask the hard questions. I became more involved at my church, going to weekday Bible studies, small groups, and Saturday morning prayer meetings. I started reading books and commentaries about Jesus and stories about atheists becoming believers. I even began studying why people choose not to believe in Jesus. I wasn’t doing all of this because I wanted to be “holier than thou”, but because I genuinely just wanted to know about Jesus for myself. I was finally understanding what it means to be thirsty (and not the ratchet kind of thirsty for some ordinary man) - but thirsty for knowledge about Jesus. Thirsty for the mysteries of God. 

Ironically, the more I actually learned about Jesus, the easier it became to believe that He is real and to conceptualize loving Him. Questioning my faith was risky, but it was one of the best things I have ever done. Now if anyone asks me why I believe in Jesus I can confidently answer like this: “I believe in Jesus because I took the time to study Him, His life, and what He taught for myself. I acknowledge that believing in Jesus logically sounds crazy, but it is a crazy that I am willing to bet on. I am not an expert in the Bible (yet), but when I read the Bible for myself it makes sense to me, and so I believe it.” 

Now, I am going to ask you the question. Why do you believe what you believe? Whatever you believe (whether you are Jewish, Muslim, New Age, Ifa, agnostic, atheist, or even a Satanist) - why do you believe it? Have you ever asked yourself that question? Have you ever tested your faith? If you haven’t, you should.