I know this is a hot-button topic, but it’s one I think is worth discussing. This post is specifically for Christian women who have been in the faith for a while, especially married Christian women. We need to talk about modesty in fashion. Is there a one-size-fits-all rule for modesty? Does it look different depending on culture or region? And do we truly understand what the Bible says about modesty? These are all questions we’ll explore in this post. But first, let me share my own journey in discovering modesty.

Let me preface my story by saying I was saved at 7 years old during Chapel at my school. I grew up in church and probably never missed a Sunday service. I’m a preacher’s kid, two generations deep, and to this day, I firmly stand by the belief that Jesus Christ is Lord.

Now, fast forward to my first day of Chemistry class at GSU. I wore a crop top hoodie, daisy dukes, and Chuck Taylors. I had just gotten my belly button pierced for my birthday that summer, so I had no shame in showing it off with crop tops. I did feel a bit cold in class, but other than that, I felt no conviction at all about my outfit. It was hot, and I’m from Southern California—this is just how we dress. End of story. I met one of my best friends in that class, and years later, he told me that on that first day, he thought I wasn’t smart and assumed I was a “THOT” because of how I dressed. He was shocked to learn that I aced every quiz and test, and that I was celibate. He judged me based on my outfit, even though his judgment was completely wrong.

For my 22nd birthday, I invited my friends out for a fun night at Main Event in Atlanta. Think of your local BJ’s, but cooler—they had bowling with full menu service, laser tag, and a traditional arcade game room. I was so excited and went shopping for a birthday outfit. I found a burnt orange cropped halter top (one of my favorite colors), my favorite high-waisted ripped jeans from American Eagle, and some dramatic beaded earrings that touched my shoulders. My hair was braided into a ponytail with long extensions, and I was looking fabulous! Here’s the thing: I was also on the leadership team for Georgia State’s Bethel Campus Fellowship (BCF), a student-led ministry, and I led Bible studies regularly. I felt no conviction about my outfit. I snapped some pictures, sent them to my dad, who told me I looked beautiful, and that was my stamp of approval. I posted the pictures on Instagram and went on to enjoy my birthday.

That is, until I received a message from a brother in Christ who was on the leadership team at his school’s BCF chapter. He told me that I didn’t need to show so much skin and that I was still beautiful without it. I was deeply offended. I was confident in my outfit, didn’t feel overexposed, and wished he’d mind his own business. I defended myself by saying that in Southern California, this is how we dress—it’s for the weather. My birthday is in July, and crop tops are totally normal! On top of that, I felt like he was judging me through the lens of his own cultural standard as a Nigerian American, which was different from my cultural experience as a Black American from SoCal. In my mind, I thought, "You think I’m not being modest because of how you were raised, but that has nothing to do with me."

Fast forward again to Spring 2020. I was a newlywed, on a date with my husband, walking to the Battery where the Atlanta Braves play. It was hot, and I was wearing a red, white, and blue cotton knit halter crop top (with some side-boob action), light-washed jeans, and white Chuck Taylors. My hair was in a perm rod set, and I had my makeup on. I felt fabulous and sexy for our date. As we were walking, a man in a red truck slowed down to ask for directions to parking. I gave him instructions, but this infuriated my husband. CJ is not the jealous type and is usually very calm, but he insisted that the man only stopped because he was trying to flirt with me. CJ was adamant that my appearance was drawing the wrong kind of attention, and he was upset that I was unaware of this. We ended up arguing all the way to the stadium, and it ruined our date. That’s when I stopped and thought about what I had chosen to wear. I said to myself, “If it wasn’t for this shirt, our date wouldn’t have been ruined.”

My journey toward more modest apparel began that day. I started retiring my crop tops and anything with side-boob action or deep necklines. I kept a few things just to wear around the house for CJ, but I decided that when we go out in public, I don’t need to wear anything that might grab the attention of other men. I’ve got my man, and he’s not going anywhere. I can save the sexy stuff for home.

As you can see, my journey to modesty was gradual. The more I matured in Christ, the more my heart softened toward this conviction. I learned that, even if it wasn’t my intention, I could be a stumbling block for others. While I’m not responsible for other people’s lusts, I am responsible for myself, for how I represent my husband, and for how I protect our marriage. That includes not inviting other men to lust after me with my clothing choices.

Romans 14 comes to mind when I think of this. Verses 13-19 say:

“Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.”

Paul’s examples remind us that not all Christians share the same convictions. But if your freedom to do something causes confusion or is a distraction to another believer, you should lay down your freedom for the sake of peace and mutual upbuilding. Now, I might feel free to show some side boob, but if I know it’s causing a brother or sister in Christ to stumble, I should reconsider my choices.

The Bible also speaks directly about how women should dress. 1 Timothy 2:9-10 says:

“Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or expensive apparel, but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness.”

Let's break down the key descriptors for clothing in that verse:

Proper

Strong's Reference: G2887; orderly, i.e. decorous:—of good behaviour, modest

Modestly:

Strong's Reference: G127; (through the idea of downcast eyes); bashfulness, i.e. (towards men), modesty or (towards God) awe:—reverence, shamefacedness

Discreetly:

Strong's Reference: G4997; soundness of mind, i.e. (literally) sanity or (figuratively) self-control:—soberness, sobriety.

As Christian women, we are always on a mission, representing Christ wherever we go. These verses, though written long ago, transcend time and culture. No matter where we are or what decade we live in, we can rely on these foundational truths to guide our decisions about how to dress.

So, in a nutshell, my advice for Christian married women is to reconsider showing cleavage and side boobs in public. If you’re breastfeeding, try to use a cover if you have one, and definitely don’t post breastfeeding photos online. I personally assume that, at that point, you want people to see more than what’s necessary, which seems strange if you’re married and claim to follow Jesus. There are other ways to educate about breastfeeding without exposing everything. The same applies to the nearly nude maternity photo shoots. You get my point. I digress… lol.

In conclusion, I hope this helps anyone who feels called to dress more modestly. Don’t do it because I said so—do it because you genuinely believe that your decision honors God. Consider Christ in everything, even down to the clothes you wear each day.